a day in the life of self hater

Why am i not ever anyone's type? Okay just had a convo wit my ex boyfriend Slack and he says i'm not his type anymore, apparently i never was!! ffs!!!

Yes I'm still here, and i'm still hating myself and my life!

Well not alot has changed since my last post, except today my 'friends' decided to accuse me of smoking! I don't and wouldn't as i think it's a filthy habit and a waste of money. *End of Rant*

Also have been on msn alot lately talking to some people! one of which i thought wouldn't turn out to be the friend he has. He recommended music which i would have never tried before and i now love! I would also like to dedicate a song to my life as simple plan - welcome to my life! love the song in general and love the lyrics even more so thanks Uchiga! Another person i have been talking to and confiding in a lot lately is saucy she's a fantastic friend and probably the only person who, although she doesn't understand why, sympathises with my selfharming and does everything in her power to get me to stop! - Put it in a bubble and blow it away... lol

One of my friends who is being really out of order and wierd lately is project. She doesn't understand at all and seems hellbent on being unsypathetic and tactless! If you're reading this p[roject i'm sorry for whatever i've done but ffs what is your problem lately????

I also seem hellbent on something lately - screwing up! Lost my retainers, hate my father,losing my mum's trust and faith! but thats another story!

Must dash now got mothers meeting soon - ttfn Splat xxx

Hey,

I hate to be all alone. I need real love! I want at least a boyfriend! I'm sick of being single! I want a guy to really like me for me. But i cant find it because nobody goes past what i look like and because of that i will never get anybody! Only one guy has ever said he really liked me and he has a girlfriend and loives in bloody plymouth! it ain't fair my mates always have boyfriends or girlfriends! it ain't fair!

Heyhey,

ain't wrote for a while as life has been crazy busy!!! Mates have kept me busy as have my parents! Gosh life as a teenager is just crazy init! lol

Ain't been talkin to my mates from Camp lately as have been low on cash and so low on credit! lol not good! I miss Them loads and loads wish i was back there again!

A plus point is i am totally closer to my mate saucy lately and thats great because we are now really close and like best friends! i love her to bits thanks foir everything mate.

My friends Randy is now going out with my mate burger! I reli reli like burger o am totally jealous but thats life you gotta just move on!

Went to a house party on friday night which was blast ended up playing spin the bottle and kissed a bunch of people i would never have kissed beforehand! Especially my mate Rydon who i now really like! But as per usual he is taken by my mate smithy!

As you may have noticed i am chamnging everyone's names for security reasoans you know what it can be like in cyberspace!! lol

well got to go more later from a self-hater

laters $pl@ xxx

Today was a Better day i didn't self-harm or anything!! It was amazing! All my friends are amazing! even the guys who hate me were being nice!!!

Yesterday I had an arguement with my dad and he severly threatened me i was really scared! But my mates helped me through! I phoned Ant's mate last night (Anyone from camp will know who that is!!) and we had a great convo!!! He is an amazing guy and i love him to bits!!! Unfortunately i'm too ugly to get him and he alredi has a girlfriend!!! boo hoo!!!

Hey,

Today i felt really excluded from my friends. like i was a spare part or something. i have felt like this for a while now and it is really strange sensation like you know you don't belong! I hate that. It seems everyone has their set friends but i'm just an extra. I've never really gelled with a group, I always drift from one to another because of this feeling!!!

Yesterday in English one of the guys who i sit near turned to me and said 'you know what i like about you splat...'

I replied 'What?'

Then he said 'Fuck all'

I wanted to cry!!!! II must've looked upset because all the girls were asking me if i was okay which i was after i'd scratched my hand till it bled. He did apologise though!

More soon

$pl@

I live in Essex in the UK. I go to secondary school and am in the 4th year. I have a set of friends who although they know almost everything about me, they don't really know me.

I have had Boyfriends none of which have lasted very long.

The song that probably describes me and my life the best is Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson.

I would describe myself as Fat, Ugly and Stupid. I hate my Life and Myself.

No, I'm not and Emo. Yes, I have thought about suicide!

I have been bullied still am to some extent. People are always making 'funny' comments that i am expected to laugh at! they are not funny! They hurt!!!

Hi all you bloggers,

I'm splat! I'm new to this so give me a chance!!

I will write soon

Splat